Has he ever seen the sea? More signs of my world of a life of non-sequetors [sp?]
has he ever seen the sea?

Nothing Seems to line Up

It Seems like things are not right. And I mean beyond all the sales of suntan lotion and deck chairs when it's rained every day this week.

I'm cutting this short bceause lightening just wiggled my monitor.....

Not much.

Brian came home early, just as my crying kicked in because my computer was crashing in some sort of new and different way. Yes, the new one. Yes, crashing differently. Yes, I'm poor, and can't get a computer that's equipped enough to keep up with me, so I guess they need to medicate me more, so that I can work at my computer's speed. [*lol*] - by the way, that was irony, and I hate the use of the idiom 'lol']

So, Brian says [out of sheer selfishness, and not over making me feel better, not that he should try anymore, or that he ever did] - "It's nice outside! Let's go to the zoo!"

... wha?

So I look out the window for the first time all day, and the sky is blue, and he says it's like 85 outside [he has a thing about exaggerating numbers, any number]. What the hell. I pack a disposible camera I got a wal-mart for $3 [hope it works] and a waterbottle, change out of my jammies [@ 3:30pm] into a miniskirt and short sleeved shirt *hoping* for a tan, and not bug bites [none of either occured] and I actually had an okay time.

We went to the wildlife sanctuary where I got accosted by a bunch of 'yellow headed fuzzy-suckers' [outside the midwest they are known as baby Canadian Geese] and I got so many cute pictures. I even got to pet a deer, and she licked me!

We got caught in a huge rain on the way back from getting the pictures developed, and fell asleep at about 7:30pm. Woke up at 10:00pm to Ivy biting my earlobe - I guess telling me it was time for my 10pm meds [?] - I thought only Janey would do that!

Anyway that was yesterday.

Today is young, and off to a rocky start. We'll see how it goes. Today is Darrel's birthday [45!!], so I hope I get to see him today. Not if Brian has anything to do with it, ofcourse, but I've already vented about that in my DeadJournal , and I don't want to write about it again. You can look if you want to, but I don't think anyone even knows this journal is even here... yet.

bought Brinkster space, that's not active yet, for the forum. bit the bullet and made the initial investment. ...if you build it, they will come... *fingers tightly crossed* But it's not ready to receive files yet, and I'm getting agitated waiting for the account to get active so I can customize the forum and get it open so that people can be invited and get the community going again! I loved having that! It was so much more like a family then. I hope I can get that back.

Current Music: Battle of Seattle, Marcy Playground
Current Mood: agitated, mad, antsy
Current Wt =/-: +2 [makes+4!] 

Amnesia & Piecing it Back Together

Was it a weekend? - No, it's Wednesday... So it was Monday, & Tuesday I spent gathering as many journals I could find and pulling out pages and putting them into a datebook.

Not really Amnesia, but a critical lack when it comes to perception of time. One I did not know was to be as bad as it was until I realized the amount of things racking up in a years time, when I thought that they were progressing of a long period... but by the same token 'I couldn't possibly have been here *that* long.!'

Yesterday: Foodbank, St VdP, got 10 cent bead trays, and set up an organized bracelet making area - FINALLY!
Today: Watched Anna Karenna, cleaned out my closet and found my blue d-fly necklace, much to my relief. Got a call for a job interview!! Fingers are crossed!

I don't know how I will put it all my finding [back to the memory book] together: DJ entries, written notes, receipts showing where I was on certain days, pictures... scrapbook, but I can't print 2 years of DJ... I'll just get the written stuff typed in, then worry about format later.

Current Music: Only Pieces of the Night - Gin Blossoms
Current Mood: Tired [nap interrupted by job interview call], thirsty and nauseated [?]
Current Wt =/-: +2 [no explanations, but no excuses, either]

It doesn't help, you know

Searching through pictures to put on my new blog... and my playlist is playing Seattle-moving-music into my headphones loud enough to drown out the video games and street noise. Wind is the only outside stimulus. Last friday Darrel was talking about how much he's dying to take a trip somewhere, and I couldn't let on how much I *long* to do so myself. We both know it's an impossibility right now.

And, of course, in setting up my blog, what do I spy... A HIGHWAY!!!
I don't cry, but I do feel a punch to the stomach. A little one.

So I sort through 30 some pictures taken by my web cam of myself in our [Darrel and my] tiny Seattle apartment, taken in the last few months we were there. I was doing well, 'dietetically', but my eyes were vacant on the zoloft on that dosage. The tornado was in the Jar. And I have the pictures to prove it.

... but oh! he white running pipes, old steam heaters, vintage cameras, and Janey! When she was thin. Oh! Me, before I bulked for up for the snows, or whatever makes you gain weight by simply breathing the air...

Got to think about moving. No, not out of Green Bay. Baby steps. Brian may have been throwing a tantrum when he said pack up and leave, but I'm taking him up on it. Motley still hasn't told Brian I take it, but it's Motley and me moving into the new apartment if it happens, not Motley and him... I don't envy him the duty, but hey, I had to give the ring back, and that wasn't pretty, I promise you.

Current Music: No Need to Worry - Folk Implosion
Current Mood: Anxious [but I think it's justified]
Current Wt =/-: -2

First entry here - clean start

I worked really hard on the IU.C site and a future for myself today.....

Brian came in from work, ore open a KitKat, slopped himself infront of the TV and asked if I'd done anything about one job.... then made fun of the opportunity I do have comming up next week.

Then I had a title I had to come up with for this new blog, and though it was by far **way too long** , I couldn't resist putting it in the entry:

It seems to me that people have vast potential. Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take the risks. Yet most people don't. They sit in front of the telly and treat life as if it goes on forever. 
- Philip Adams  

tee hee hee